Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
