She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
