That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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