when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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