I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
