If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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