i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
