Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize