Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
