All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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