i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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