I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
