Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
