I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
