Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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