does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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