i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Dicks are not precious.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
