Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
