the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
