she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
