So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i believe in u and ur pee
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
