Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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