It's Friday. Sex?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
