when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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