I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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