So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
thus making me awesome and them whores
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
