hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
