So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
