some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
love makes seman taste better
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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