how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
