I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
