Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
