my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
