and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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