I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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