is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
