do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
