you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
