I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
