just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
