so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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