So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
