How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
