She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
