you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
