I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
