Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
