You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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