remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
