Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
