I can't watch pbs sober anymore
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
