Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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