His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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