He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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