I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
