around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
