You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
