bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
