my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
love makes seman taste better
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize