OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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