dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
