Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
