yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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