When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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