Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
