My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
