Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
