I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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