As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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