You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
